glam party

Imagine waking up every day for 47 years and never seeing the real you reflected in the mirror. One of my earliest memories was Christmas morning; my girl cousins were given beautiful nightgowns and the boys were given football-themed PJs. I felt there was a cosmic mistake. This was decades before the Internet and the only time I saw gender-nonconforming people in the media, it was typically men in drag playing it for laughs. Four decades of shame would pass before I found the courage to reveal myself to close friends; years later I would nervously tell family and now I am finally ready to share my story with the world.
My first session with Tania captured a major moment in my journey: the first time I ever dressed up, in full wardrobe, wigs and makeup, and shared the experience with friends. It was the first time I would ever feel the joy of hanging out with women as a woman. My wife is so supportive of my gender exploration, but dresses and makeup and glamour are of little interest to her; she was hoping I would find some girlfriends who would enjoy a fun day of glamour – so I put the word out and the big day arrived.
Long before the camera came out, Tania and I instantly clicked. Warmth, joy, compassion and love flow freely from her; her divine feminine spirit welcomed me, comforted me, made me feel at ease and at home in my own skin. I was in a padded bra and skirt without makeup when she arrived, and I never once felt self-conscious or nervous. While I prepared my makeup, Tania snapped pictures of our friends and I could not believe what exquisite portraits she was able to capture by finding the perfect light and place to shoot – in my kitchen!

And then, my session began. When I typically dress for selfies I don’t really know how to pose, so all of my pictures to date feature some take on the same few Zoolander “Blue Steel” gazes. Tania helped me step out of my stock poses and into my comfort zone, finding new ways to be playful, comfortable and live truly in the moment. The lens disappeared and it was just the two of us. I have yet to see the final images, but I have full trust in her. Even if a cosmic mistake wiped out her memory card and all the pictures were lost, I would still treasure every moment of my time with her. I rarely looked in the mirror that day because in her trusting, compassionate and beautiful eyes, I finally saw myself.

red moon


we had a sunset picnic to watch the super moon eclipse, it was beautiful, clear purple skies for sunset. and a red red moon. of course i didn't carry lenses that could capture that beauty, but i could capture a few moments before dusk settled of my oldest in her excitement. we have been having warm sunny days then dropping to cooler (55 degree) mornings and evenings. fall is here. and we celebrated with warm nourishing chicken soup. 

march {real life}

aloha friends, it's been laundry, lots of cooking, lots of dinners, lots of keeping hands busy with sewing and drawing (nick really gets blissed out sewing with these girls, i am a work in progress. i am glad they have him to guide, he loves fabric. and making clothes and things), ... it's been warm warm sunny days, crab picking at the beach (which i didn't happen to catch - because i'm balancing the picture taking and the absorbing in kids and other things), weeding the garden, my oldest is really enjoying spraying the weeds with salt and vinegar. it keeps her busy for at least 30 minutes before she's done and starts playing with the roly poly bugs. i missed a lot of fun things on camera, but i remember a lot of those things inside too. i did happen to catch that ripe deeply red moon on my zoomiest lens (if you know me, i only use prime lenses so this is a bit of a joke...because you can't zoom)  balance.... 

And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer
— Rainier Maria Rilke

please click on to Lorrin to see what else they've been up to this past month in the blog circle. 

 

xx

tania

sunset picnic

beautiful days here. unbelievable how the wild beauty of the pacific northwest becomes illuminated when the skies are blue. and how the misty rain always brings out this moody ethereal atmosphere. it is february, and it is spring in western washington. cherry blossoms are  blooming, we have sunny days with temperatures in the mid to late 50s and even breaking 60 in the afternoons. we took the opportunity of this great weather, early still that they can be awake for sunset (545pm is when it goes down). nick shared with the girls of the crabs that like to hide under the big rocks. veda loves to skip stones, or dunk them :)